It’s just not fair. Why do we never appreciate opportunities when we are young? Why does it have to take us 14 years to realise 'those were the best years' of our lives? Why the hell do we never remember the most important details?

Or, is it only me?

I am talking about my last visit to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Where my beloved school, of which I am a proud alumni, LSU is located. Where the most important part of my family is living. Where, the most significant part of my life with the most important details took place.

After travelling so much, and having great experiences all around the world, meeting plenty of impressive personalities and learning from them, you grow out of yourself to become larger than your own life. That’s the time when you start revisiting your past and put everything into perspective. You revisit all your memories. And everything seems to fit. Everything makes sense. Your past becomes your present. Perhaps, your future.

It was not easy. I was a little scared girl when I first arrived here. When I left after 4 years, I believed I could change the way world revolved around me. In some respects, I made it happen. For the rest, I am still working on it.

Louisiana is the southern part of US. The humidity can get so high, it rains most of the time. But if you go during winter, that’s when you enjoy the blue skies with refreshing breeze against your face and the sun that grabs you with its arms. As usual for all the south concept, the people are nice here. They feel the sun, they are happy. They are comfortable. They are welcoming.

New Orleans, the city that was included in the famous Louisiana purchase, bought back from Napoleon in 1803 for 15 million dollars, is one of the highlights as everyone would know. This is where all the Jazz began. This is where the most colourful festival Mardi Gras takes place. This is where you crave for seafood. This is where you feel the French presence in the most southern, happy, sensible way. This is where you scroll around the streets feeling nothing but that tune in you: Just like Jazz: Smooth and defined with your rhythm.

Its been 10 years since I have been to Louisiana. Arriving after 25 hours of travelling, I had this odd feeling in me: It felt only like last year, that I have graduated. ‘I remember Chimes, I was there last Friday!’ ‘That’s where I took my Marketing classes’. ‘This is the lake where we had that first moment’- ‘Shall we go to the pool and study there?’ Late nights in Louis Café.
Where the hell did all the time go????

Oh, there is the awareness level rising again. 50 different kinds of trees on campus-Did I know that? Course not. Crab-fingers taste the best here (shall I disclose the info that I ordered chicken when I was at Mike Andersons for my graduation supper?) Campus is surrounded with Italian Renaissance style buildings-Did I care then? It did not make even a tiniest difference.

I realised last 10 days, this is the place I grew up and became a person. Everything, even the way everything smells, seems familiar. I feel comfortable here. More than that, I feel home. This is probably why I feel that I have some unfinished business here. This is why I feel LSU is calling me back. Would they be interested in having me in their Communications program? Boy, I would love to turn things upside down in graduate school to prove them what I am capable of now. Worth to pursue? Maybe…

Most importantly, values change while time goes by. The question is: Do I keep exploring and decide where I should settle, or do I settle as I feel like and move on as I feel like? What’s more important in life, try to catch it, or let it follow you?

I will find the answer to that question. Soon.

January 19, 2005